I Sometimes Wonder if I am Called to be Single

This thought just drop into my head while at work today. I had a guy ask me if I had a girlfriend, obvious answer was no. (I guess the answer is obvious if you know me but my lack of social skills proves very well that answer.) He asked me if I like girls. That the question if I am a homosexual or not. I answered yes but I have not desire at this time for a wife. That had me thinking while chilaxing in the pool here in the waterless beach. I am called to remain single or will I be someone who marries late. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul gives us his take on the issue. If you desire to be married, then get married but you have not the desire, then remain single as I am single ( a Mike paraphrase). I often think about it would be nice to have a wife but that it is not something I desire. I guess there are times that I feel the desire more, but that is usually when I am around people that seem to be happy with others, i.e. weddings and family gatherings. I am sure that something might happen but that is not my desire but it does get me thinking. If I do not get married, that throws me out of any pastoral leadership roles according to scripture. That might even include leading a college ministry. I am just really confessed about what I need to be working towards or where is God leading me. That is probably sin in my life that I need to mortify. I guess that makes me lean more on God to show me the little but of path that He allows me to see. I actually feel like I need to just repent til the cows come home.

I guess pray is in need for this. I guess prayer to mortify the sin in my life and to seek God's counsel in the Bible. I do know that God wants me to be obedient to His word, and that is where I will start.

This is not how the post was going to go but this is where God lead it.

Singleness, thoughts on my current status is life.

Before I was a Christian, I hated happy people. The main reason, I was not happy myself. I was asked to usher at my cousin's wedding. I was force to by my parental authority, even if I had a concert about 30 mins away. I really hated weddings since everyone was happy or at least seemed. So today, I attended a wedding with a friend that I have not really got to know. He became good friends with a person as I remember tried to avoid me back in middle school. So in 6th or 7th grade, I was friendless to say the lest. This does not help me at that time. So throughout middle school and high school, I was pretty much a loner. So pretty much throughout most of my life, I have lived in a state of singleness. I remember in college, I would go from room to room looking to be accepted. When I joined the military, I would spend tons of time by myself. It was less in Oklahoma and towards the end it would be better. Then I moved to England. This would be challenge. I would hangout once-in-a-while at a friends dorm room but I would spent days by myself. It was hard to do anything since I was by myself. I would have loved to travel more but it would not have been fun. I remember going to London to watch the New Year Parade. I was so lonely.

So now living in Lynchburg and seeing friends get married. It has taken a toll on me. I still long for that friendship with someone who lives close. I still have this thing about weddings but today I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to rejoice with those rejoicing. I would look on Boundless, a Focus on the Family for 20 and 30s single people, for an artcile that would cover this issue. I found one and it has help. I read that even if I am not getting married or even have a friend living close that share time, God has blessed me in different ways. It is a comfort (and as I grow I hope it will be a better comfort) to know that God has blessed me with where I am at. I might not be getting married or even have a really close friend, but God has bless me with in different ways. I can go on knowing that even if I long for a relationship I really do not have, God has bless with relationships. It is tursting God that where He has me now is where the right place.

I think the main problem is a little known sin called self-centeredness. I have to admit that I try hard to dress to impress. I try to do the little things that know would ever care, like shiny shoes. I often wonder why people put up with this. Just thinking about it, this might be why I am not married. I am not in a place yet to set myself back and serve others. Remembering a quote by J.R. Miller, he said that a godly man is like dew. Dew always work at night when no one is looking and you see the effects when the dew is done. It is a man ever working for the glory of himself but you can also see their work.

As I shift gears again, I guess that is why I write blogs. I want to that close friend to speak to, unfortunately blogs do not talk back, but I want the subject to be about me. But I look at myself and I force to see that I, who has never dated anyone mind you, am not that great of a person. I see that even talking to a girl I meet through a Bible study, that I am not that Godly man. I was talking to the pastor of the church that a couple of friends attend and he has said something that struck me. It is about the heart. It is clear that because of my self-centeredness, that my heart is in the wrong place. I am focusing on the wrong things. I am focusing on my plans and want I want, not what God wants from me.

I need to leave this but I would like you to pray from me. The one think I guess you can take from this is that I am not that great of a person when it comes down to it. My sins will have me fall further away in despair but there is a God who cares. He cared enough to send a Savior who will take this burden. That is the focus, it is the cross of Christ.

A quick post on some thoughts about singleness.

As I have learned and read sermons about singleness. I have one question about it. Singleness is a gift but is it a seasonal gift or a life long gift or can it be both seasonal and a life long gift? It seems to be a fitting question since Paul was single his whole life as according to 1 Corinthians 7. According to Debbie Maken in "Getting Serious about Getting Married", she claims that you are either single for a lifetime or destined to be married and you need to start early. Where David Wheaton believes that it is more of a seasonal then, but is that why he is still single? Is their a balance between devoting everything to God and yet still be able to find a wife or husband? Do I do what Dr. MacArthur says and claim a gift of singleness until I have a desire to get married, is that what I am suppose to do?

I first thoughts are that I should take this gift of singleness as a seasonal thing and I should devote my ever waking hour to sever God. Meanwhile, I should be looking at women that I should marry (which is hard in a military for of ungodly single women). But would looking for a wife (in my case) pull me away from serving my God every waking moment (which I have o say I do not do and their seem to sin aways)? Another question is that have I isolated myself so much because of shyness, is it even possible to meet women when I have a pool to choose from?

I guess as I learn more about singleness, the more I found different view. At least it is not a fundamental part of the Christian doctrine and is somewhat debatable.

Now is your time to chime in you .2 daily readers I have (this are made up stats).

I was just actually thinking how funny it is to have a regular blog were only one person reads ever once-in-a-while. I guess the real question is do I continue to write in this world called the blogosphere?

Singleness, the podcast part 2

This is a response on the post "Singleness, the Podcast". Please listen to audio before reading this post.

I just want to comment on what David Wheaton said about being single. As I have read articles and listen to podcasts, I have since understand that everything has a season. As much as we need to embrace the season that God has but us in. David brings a good point that he is single until the Lord tells his otherwise. The Lord has a reason on why I am in England and it is not to fight GWOT. I will know later but I need to embrace my season here as I do get to travel around Europe. The biggest thing I need to work on is to devote myself completely to God while I am single. So what I wanted to point out on this study of singless is that when you are single continue to live like you are called to be single until God has changed the season you are in and brings you a mate to spent the rest of your days with.

Singleness, the podcast

THIS IS A REPOST FROM THE 5TH.

This post is from The Boundless Show. The Boundless show is a production of Boundless.org and is a ministry of Focus on the Family. The interview is with David Wheaton. The 1st clip is 6 mins long and the 2nd clip is about 10 mins long. I will post my thoughts later in this post.This is the first clip

This is the second clip

**Correction**
The song is Gentle Revolution By Scott Krippayne off his Autobiography CD and not his Autograph CD (which does not exist) Thanks Management.

Already failed at posting everyday in July.

I can not even post on the first day, I am 42 mins late. Maybe God did not will it. I was even thinking about posting about some music lyrics I heard on Air 1 when I went to get food. I got back to my dorm room and completely forgot to post. Anyways it is 0100 and I have to be at work in 3hrs so I want to take this time to comment about a post on Boundless.org blog. The post is called "Men Afraid of Bad Marriage."

The lady writing the post was reading an article about how men are afraid about marriage. The article is secular in nature but many Christian men feel the same way according the writer from Boundless.org talking with her single group at church. She claims that "two resounding themes [that men are afraid of commitment]: 1. A lack of desire for marriage (or suspicion of it); 2. An uncertainty about how to go about it. (The second is a sentiment I have heard often from my male friends. One guy recently told me, "I think a lot of guys would be willing to walk through that door [commitment] if they only knew where it was.")."

As I know people who have courted, I think that a fear of commitment is because we do not have a proper fear of God. I really can not talk because I am single without a relationship that would even come close to an idea of marriage. What I have heard or overheard is that you will know if God wants to marry that person. If both are strong in the Lord I think that they are right. It is trusting the Lord. As I have learned about biblical dating, it seems that it looks at what will generate a marriage that is worthy of God praise. If God is pleased with the relationship and that it looks like a relationship that God has described. They a fear to commit for the rest of your life is an easy choice.

BTW, I still have a ways to go in trusting in the Lord and also becoming a true man after God's heart but God is working on me. I have also realized that if what I feel that God wants me to do in my life is right, I need to get over this fear of commitment of marriage and get married.

I hope this post makes sense, I was going to wrote a comment on the blog but my writing was not making sense. So for all people (all zero of you) who read my blog, please comment about this.

Dr. MacArthur and singleness

As I said, I read 2 sermons called "Reasons for Remaining Single" by Dr. John MacArthur. Dr. MacArthur is is the preacher of Grace Community Church in LA and is also head of Grace to You Ministry. You can reach his ministry at gty.org. These sermons were both found at Grace to You website and the link to the sermons will appear at the bottom of the post.

Dr. MacArthur gave 5 points for remaining single. The points are:

1. Pressure of the System
2. Problems of the Flesh
3. Passing of the World
4. Preoccupation of the Married
5. Permanence of the Union

Before I start, I want to ensure that Dr. MacArthur is not saying that marriage is bad or is a sin. I want everyone to know that I do believe the same. He also stresses that in these sermons that these are the reasons for people called to be single. Paul in is not saying that all should be single but only the called. If a person that is called to remain single marries, that person does not sin. More to come in the 5th reason.

Pressure of the System:

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:26 the first reason to remain single. Paul writes, "I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is "(ESV). Dr. MacArthur tells us that because of the current problems. Distress in Greek in anagken, Dr MacArthur thinks the secondary meaning of anagken, which also means violence, is a better translation. He believes that the violence was so great that Paul wanted people to remain single. MacArthur uses the example of Paul and what if Paul had a wife and kids. If Paul had a wife and kids, just think of the thoughts of them. When Paul left would the see their husband/father ever again. MacArthur stresses that this for people called to be singled. MacArthur writes, "You see in the violence of the world in which Paul lived, marriage was a terrible encumbrance to somebody who was a Christian--at least in the sense of the ministry that he had."(pg 4)

I would agree with MacArthur. Paul's ministry would have been challenged by having a wife and kids. We see what happen to Paul in Acts, just think that Jesus said that people will hate us because they hated Christ. Look at the people in Africa or South America that are killed by guerrillas and other militant groups. They are killing Christians, now just think if you had a wife and kids back home or even with you. You would be worried about them but if you are called to remain single and are advancing the kingdom that is one less problem to deal with.

Problem of the Flesh:

The second reason to remain single come is verse 28 and that reason is problems in the flesh. Verse 28 of 1 Corinthians is "But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. (ESV)" MacArthur expresses that "humanness in marriage that makes for trouble. Even though the Holy Spirit wants perfect unity, humanness creates problems."(pg 7) That is the problem, get a couple of sinners together and problems will arise, at more sinners and then you have a recipe of disaster. MacArthur also says that marriage does not solve problems, it only magnifies them. Again that is if you have the gift of singleness. MacArthur does state that the only problem marriage solves is being obedient to God's will.

Passing of the World:

Guess what, this world is going to gone soon and there is nothing you can do about. Also, there are no marriages in heaven. Paul is telling us in verses 29-31 that the end of the world in near. "This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. (ESV)" MacArthur stresses that Paul is telling the Corinthians to not get attach to the stuff that will pass away when the world ends to include marriage. Jesus tells us in Mark 12:25, "For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. (ESV)" This is Jesus' answer to the Sadducees about their question about a women marring 7 brother and which one will she marry in heaven (Mark 12:18-27). MacArthur is urging singles with the gift of singleness to not marry and deal with a worldly relationship. This also allows them to devote themselves to God.

Preoccupation of the Married:

Paul writes in verses 32 through 35, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (ESV)" MacArthur writes on pg 4 of part 2, "There are certain cares that just encumber your mind when you're married. A married man must concentrate on things concerning his wife. A single unmarried, verse 32 says, cares for the things that belong to the Lord how he may please the Lord. Now this is potential, people. It doesn't mean that every single person is totally devoted to Jesus. It's just that he has the potential for that total devotion. There is an undistractedness that comes in the life of an unmarried person. He has only really one set of cares and that is his relation to the Lord. The married person has a divided set of cares, the Lord and his family." I think that explains it will enough. A single guy with me can devote much time to the Lord. I think even if some is called to be married, the time to serve the Lord is when you are single. I can pretty much go where the Lord needs me and help. MacArthur shows an example from Luke 14. It is that a married man could not follow Jesus because he was married. Marriage hinders a full devotion to God because you want to please your partner.

Permanence of the Union:

Permanence, what? Paul tells all in verses 39, "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (ESV)" A marriage lasts until one dies or the end of the world, which ever comes first. If a married person feels that he needs to be single, he must wait until his wife dies before he can do what he was called. Marriage is a long-term haul that only God separate and not be considered sin. Divorcing your wife because God wanted you to remain single in not a valid reason. In modern day vows, it is till death do us part. There no playing around when you get married. If you have the gift of singleness and are married, you have not sin but you can not divorce because of it. So before one gets married, one must figure out if he/she is called to remain single or to married.

My comments:

I learned a lot about being single. I want to stress that this is just a study and in no why do I think I have the gift of singleness. As I read more and more of the sermon, the more and more I notice that it was not my calling. I do not quite agree with Dr. MacArthur say that violence is another word for distress. But he also has study Greek and I have not so I can not say if he is right or not.

Points 1, 2, and 3 are part 1 of the 2 part series. You can read it here. Points 4 and 5 are the second part and you can get that here.

Too much to read about singleness.

So I am downloaded all the sermons that Dr. John MacArthur have given on 1 Corinthians 7. Many of you might not have read Dr. MacArthur stuff but it is heavy. There is a lot to read and try to check and discern. I will try and get some read by Friday and post on it but his stuff is really deep. I am also going to find some other stuff by other pastors. More to come.

Is Lack of Male Leadership to blame for Singleness in America?

Okay, I lied a couple of posts ago. I said that I was going to post about what I read from John MacArthur, John Piper, and other pastors. I am going to talk about Debbie Maken "Getting Serious about Getting Married." Chapter 4 was about lack of male leadership. As I want to pass the blame to women, like Adam passing the blame to Eve, She has a point. She used education/independence, lack of leadership in the house, and lack of leadership in the church.

She claims that men want to get more and more schooling to get a good job that they tend to put off marriage until the find the perfect job. Also on the independence side of the house, most men now (to include me) want to remain free to do whatever their heart desires. I am big into getting dirty by camping for days without showers to only be wowed by God's creation. She is right and that kind of upsets me. I see it in my life but also in the life of others. As I start to plan my big European Adventure, it appears that I am the only one going. Just think, 25-30 days traveling around Europe constantly. Only sleeping in hotels once every 3 to 4 days. All other times are sleeping on a train and no one to bug you. Sweetness waiting to happen.

It is not just men but also women who are putting off marriage until they are done with schooling and have a good job. The problem is that most of the time, men and women are looking the perfect job and jump around trying to find it. Debbie thinks it is the fact that most men what women to be independent from men. So women must continue to get educated to stay competitive with men.

I did find out the average age for a woman to get married is 27 and man is 29, just a little fun fact.

The next reason, Maken believes that singleness is higher now is because of a lack of leadership in the home. I completely agree. It was my mom that ran the show in my house and she also held a job to help (and not be independent) raise me and that other person they called my sister (I completely disown her, and my family does not read this blog so I can totally say that). In fact, most of my childhood was without my father in the house. He was always busy with a 2nd job or a church committee meeting. I think this blame goes more to the fathers today than the kids today. The fact that the father is not pushing children to marry like in the good ol' days is as much the church as it is the family. I was never pushed to get married but I also so much shyer than my sister. I notice it today with others I can know.

Hopefully this next topic does go in a different direction then the idea of the post. I truly believe that the church is what is causing the rise of singleness. As a whole (both Biblical and non-biblical) churches have gone away with a talking about marriage. I never heard any messages (or ones that I remember) about marriage until I came to England (hence the name England File if you never knew). The reason I have a string passion about this problem is that churches (if you call them churches) know do not preach from the Bible. Maken uses an example of a pastor that encourage marriage and do not but singleness and marriage on the same playing field. He also knew that some might be called to remain singled. The group this pastor was with, he saw that none of the kids were called to remain single. She wrote:

Until the church returns to preaching the superiority of marriage [and the gospel] over the singleness and the duty to marry, and until some of these single (especially the men) start to squirming in their seats and feel the shame that is rightfully theirs to bear if they are refusing to follow God's leading into marriage there will be no substantive improvement in the number of Christian marriages. (pg 75)

I think she is completely right because most of the churches that do not teach biblical give topical sermons. Those churches are not biblical and that is what happens when a churches moves away from expositional preaching and go to weak Bible translations for topical sermons with bad understanding.

I would like to note that she claims that feminists are not all the blame. Debbie Maken makes the point that pointing fingers at feminist for producing easy sex that cause marriage to not happen now only "show our own [Christian] hypocrisy." (pg 66) She makes her point by concluding:

If indeed easy sex has deterred single men from marriage, then we need to concede that today's Christians single men in not celibate but is probably a sexually satisfied single. On that basis, why do we insist that 1 Corinthians 7 gives single men some kind of biblical exception to be single? Why aren't these presumably overly sexed single men being disciplined by the church, or even excommunicated [or in the case of Mormonism, you must work your way back to the church so you can work some more to get saved, no of it for the glory of God] for failure to repent for engaging in a sexual outlet other than marriage? Pointing to feminists and easy sex is a convenient distraction from the real problem concerning the formation of Christian marriages. Blaming feminist theory is as untenable as pretending that Adam's silence and the lack of leadership had nothing to do with the fall. (pg 66)

I think there was lot to learn as a man. I personal have not shown the leadership needed to become married as I try to figure out what God wants me to do in my life. I think that all men, married and single, need to realize that we need to get on the biblical train and start learning to take a leadership role in the family and not be like Ray from "Everyone Loves Raymond."

Singleness: Is it a gift or what God wants from Everyone?

As I post my first post about this topic about singleness. I am actually working on a post about the giant curse that the true upper Midwest is going through. But as I read a book call "Getting Serious about Getting Married" by Debbie Maken, I have started to try and understand blog about it. Her writing about marriage and how through out the difference ages, marriage has been slowly moving away from what it was and that singleness is now being taught as it is the same as marriage. She claims that marriage was a big deal back in the good ol' days (my quote, not hers). She said that only a couple of generations ago, marriage was still a big deal and people would be "weird" (again my quote) if they were not married. It is this (my) generation where it is not so. The reason she quotes was that people considered it a sin to not maximize a female total time to reproduce. That just seems weird to me. The Puritans made singles live with families until ready and it was illegal to not get married. Also she blames parents for not finding a suitable husband or wife for their children.

As I learn more and more about how my great-great-great-great-grandparents thought of marriage, the question is still raised, how do I know that singleness is my calling? She used 1 Cor. 7 to justify her answer of singleness be a calling and not something that we should do. She claims that Paul would be destroying God's idea of marriage if everyone would be single. I tend to believe that Paul is telling us to remain single unless you completely desire to marry. Debbie says that only in a few cases is some called to remain single like Paul. These people (and maybe lucky people based on Kyle's wedding) would be like Paul and could not support having a family because of there constant traveling and starting churches. She says that most singles that do a lot of mission work can not use this reason because it is either local mission or only a couple of weeks in a foreign country. As I understand her reason, I feel that it is not quite right when I reread 1 Cor. 7. So hopefully, God willing, I am going to read a couple sermons from John Piper, John MacArthur, and others to find what Paul was talking about. More about that in the next single blog.


----------------
Listening to: Scott Krippayne - May I Have This Dance
via FoxyTunes

Singleness a Study to waste time.

I have been noticing that a lot of people that I know are getting married. So I have been thinking a lot about my singleness and will I ever get married. Good thing for me, I have lots of time to read and study (but will I is the question). I am currently reading a book by Debbie Maken called "Getting Serious about Getting Married." There are questions in the back that I might address in this blog series. I am going to actually tag these post so people can follow (all of the 1 reader that is called Me). So I want to start out so people know where I can coming from. I am a single Christian guy, with an anti-social problem that rival most monks, who lives in a 4x8 ft white box that the government calls a dorm room. I spent nearly to much time searching the internet. I am going to start looking for an apartment so I can be a least free of room inspections. I actually should be doing my AMT homework. I am looking to do something really big for my 100th post. Leave a comment of an ideas.

Also, there is a new ESV Study Bible coming out in October. But through Sovereign Grace Ministry website, you can pre-order now and save 35% on also donate 5% to Sovereign Grace Ministry. More info here. I use the ESV because of the accurate current English that is uses. I have notice that most of the time, it is really close to the KJV but in modern English. Read the website for more info.


----------------
Listening to: Scott Krippayne - I Am Jesus
via FoxyTunes