1st. AWANA
So I was thinking about AWANA and the Trek students that I teach. I have often thought that I was not getting through to them. I think that is not that I am not getting through to them as much as me not putting Christ first in my teaching. I often wait for that last minute and tend to destroy what I am teaching. Often realize that what I was teaching is not what they can grasp. I some time that I am being a rebel since I do teach (or at least try to teach) is not what is heard at the Chapel/post-modern Christianity. (Yes, I go to a church that is now post-modern and I do not like it one bit.) But as I was listening to "Listen Up," (01-09-2009) it struck me hard. I was not doing it until Christ. I was doing it for me. I wanted to be the one that sparks a problem by telling the truth. The problem is that Jesus does not want me to start a problem by telling the truth. He wants me to just tell the truth. He wants me to teach only the Truth which is found in his world. Please pray for me as I learn to life for Christ alone.
2nd. PMOC
So many might be asking (I guess that would mean I have readers let me rephrase that. Insert this instead...). For the 1 reader (which is me), what is PMOC? PMOC is an abbreviation for Protestant Men of the Chapel or a adult men Bible study (why am I in it, I do not know either). I always was the one that would buy the food and give my 2 cents but the days I had a study ready no one would show up. So I started to ask the Lord why. I was thinking that it was a sign for me to not teach men older than I. So I was trying to sleep (which did not happen because I was thinking about these three subjects), I was thinking that I am not fit for teaching PMOC. Looking at 1 Timothy 2 and the standard what which an elder/overseer should be like. Looking at the fact that I am not above rebuking. I still need a lot of rebuking. How can I lead a group of men that are all older than I? How can I lead a group of men when they should be teaching me? I know as a pastor (if I am truly called), that I will be teaching men and women that are older than I. I just do not think I am ready to teach these men. Since I do not think that I should teaching, I want to find somebody else that will teach instead.
3rd. Marriage.
Finally, the last thing that caused me to remain up this night. Marriage. I must admit that I was watching High School Musical 1 & 2 because I was not interested in watching anything else on AFN. I really do not like watching movies about high school years because 1. they are never right and 2. I did not have a single good high school year. Even though my high school years no longer define who I am, I still missed an opportunity. So I look at my life as a 22 year-old some-what of a man writing on a blog about stuff that really does not matter. Oh, did I mention that I have never been on a date or even properly asked a female on a date. I listen to a podcast, and I feel like I am so behind that I can never catch up. As I plan out my immediate future, ie after the military, it must involved finding a female to get married to. I also must do something about it but I know myself and I know that I will not be able to ask a girl out. That is why beyond my comfort zone. I could not even ask a girl to dance with me (which I remember very little on how to dance). It makes it hard to decided whether to return to Oklahoma and find a women there while hanging out with old friends or attend Liberty University in Virginia where I can get plugged into a good Christian group. The problem with attending Liberty is that I promised my friends in Oklahoma that I would move back. The one problem with Oklahoma is that I would attend different churches with singles groups and pull away from the friends that I promised I would see. I could also hang with my friends and hope that a single female would attend our Bible study (if there is one when I return).
Finale.
So as I think about these 3 topics during my 6 hr flight. I pray to God that he will revival a path that is part of his plan. Thinks for reading that rambling post about nothing.
Regarding how you feel about AWANA, I think that the fact that you realize what you do is a sign of maturity and your heart is definitely in the right place. I know that you love the kids in AWANA so much and that you want what is best for them (to teach them the truth). I will be praying for you as learn to follow Christ alone. Remember that we are only human and it's only by grace we can do what we can do. :)
ReplyDeleteRegarding PMOC, have you talked to another leader or a close friend about your issue? Someone who would give you the straight answer and not the ring around the rosie answer? Then you could start praying and working towards the answer to the reason. If you are feeling convicted about something, which is sounds like you are, then I would say seek counsel. :)
Hmm, marriage. I know that has been on your mind for many months now, almost a year it seems. I don't think you are behind at all as far as "dating" or getting married goes. You are right where the Lord wants you - where He can train you, teach you and prepare your heart. And He is doing the same with your future wife.
As far as coming back to Oklahoma because you promised friends . . . if the Lord is telling you to go somewhere else (i.e. Liberty Univ) or anywhere else, I think obedience would be best. Yes, we would all miss you, but we all know that following the Lord's direction is the best thing for you. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something that you regard as potentially a mistake. The Lord may have opportunities for you elsewhere that aren't available here, if He is telling you to go somewhere else. I guess I'm just trying to say that if you're doing something for someone else, instead of the Lord, is it the right thing to do?
Anyway, I hope I didn't sound too preachy or anything. I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers. :)
YSIC ~ Tegan